The trials of online dating. To be honest, for most people it can work great in addition to the usual strategy of trying to meet people out at the pub or at work. Another subcategory of online daters relies exclusively on the online medium for their social and romantic connections. Here, the most unscrupulous and dishonest online profiles are created. We have all seen it: the photo that may be five or ten years younger than the person, or the concealing anorak which obscures one's true body shape.
The awkwardness of it all can be quite striking at times. I met Rachel online several years ago when we were both in our mid-20's. Like so many of the photos gracing online dating sites today, hers were elusive and left much to the imagination. In her pictures, she was dark-haired and had a pleasing complexion, but every photo except one was merely a head shot. They were blurry. Every photo showed her with red eyes, so her eye colour was completely ambiguous. I found out later she wore colour contact lenses anyway. But she looked and sounded outgoing, intelligent, maybe even fun.
We chatted online after exchanging emails and finally had a telephone call. I tried my best to keep the conversation brief and polite. I have always been afraid of exhausting all intelligent conversation before the proper date. We finally agreed to meet in a restaurant bar.
Here's where it gets awkward. She was clearly older than her pictures. She would have been pretty if it was not for her dreadful sense of style. I described her to friends as frumpy. No surprise, she only dated people she met online and usually prefaced the first date with arduous months of telephone and online conversations. She did not work well face to face.
I was no charmer myself. About three minutes into the date I decided it was not meant to be and then realized my first drink was empty as well. I'm sure she told her online friends later that I was a boozy low-life who kept trying to make her laugh while staring at the tele over the bar. In my best defense, that was only half true.
I tried to make a pleasant go at it. We talked over drinks, she told me about her job as a teacher and we made casual conversation. The strangeness of it was hanging in the air over our heads the entire time. I think we shared an unspoken mutual shame as online daters forcing our way through a normal first date. Then there was the burden of trying to act polite when there was clearly no interest between us. I kept glancing at my mobile phone and to the door, and worst of all I knew I would have to avoid my favourite bar for the next few weeks in case she got to liking the place. We eventually parted ways with a hurried handshake and the bold-faced lie: "I'll call you."
As I left that evening, I was feeling pathetic not for having dated someone I met online, but because it was an abject failure. On the bright side, I did try to treat the date as practice for the real thing. I still think of online dating as an excellent way to compliment regular dating. It's one more line in the water, so to speak. But when you are sitting there counting the minutes go by wondering why she looked so much better in her 1992 picture, you can see how it can all go wrong.
Let me know if you have had any bad experiences in the comments section of my original post see #link#!
When online dating goes bad
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